sometimes grief comes out of left field dressed like an angry bird. steals your sack lunch - makes a mess of things. i try to hold your despair like walls down an unlit hallway, feeling my way through the dark to your heart.
i wanted so much to be proud of who we were becoming but when things didn't go my way i was furious. angry at the world irate at people i love mad even at the sun for shining its "haven't-a-care-in-the-world" kind of shine - today of all days. then i remembered a promise i made myself one time long ago - when words really mattered. always no matter what i will look for the light. always no matter what i will find a way home.
sometimes it is better to say less or nothing or zip. i am wondering at the petunias and how the marigolds may fare in the spring next year at your house.
sometimes i am afraid that my children will die or i will leave them motherless or the wrong person will become President. i worry that if any of these things happen someone or everyone will be unsafe. Armageddon will happen or maybe god will break forever. when i am struggling with the entire universe and trying to control outcomes way outside my league the space inside me filled with love starts to sink until a bottom falls out and there is only worry going down and down and down. if i am lucky i will love my children today and take good care of my own little self and i will pray for my country and even for god.
car door shuts.
To be everywhere
is some kind of renaissance
it is a hiding
that allows distraction
to parade as education.
When the clock refuses to stop
and the sun shifts just enough
into a bustling sky
one must forfeit the retreat
(though trepidation spurs the coil)
with head up into the day.
in moments warranting attention
causes the coyote to whimper before lunging
and the prey to smile
before the escape.