There is so little time to dig a deep hole. So they are shallow; and, because they are shallow, they are safe and kindly without purpose. I hold tight to old friends, pray they stay unbelievable.

I wonder outside of the dream to fill Tupperware with the same old thing: salami(2), baby carrots(2), sliced apples(2)one cliff bar per back pack(snack), water bottle(2). “Middle class” green. I should have glassware, not plastic. No salami – I wouldn’t eat it. Maybe some hand-rolled vegetarian sushi and a wakami salad I made from first soaking the sea veggies in reverse-osmosis water in a porcelain bowl.

I read Dr. Seuss to the kids and then ate two mugs of mint chip ice cream from Safeway. We discussed composting – my attempt at apologizing to the honey bees.
It is definitely a circle – every action causing a ripple which eventually taps you on the shoulder; “Hey you, I’m back.” You learn to toe the eco-friendly line.

If i did not love people with such unreasonable urgency, i might crawl into a chair facing a window and just stay there. not get up anymore. not try to connect the dots. only because there is something to just sitting. to just sitting and listening and not doing. not speaking. i could not go on one of those silent retreats; the knowing that i was going to speak again at some time would ruin it for me. i’d have to just stop sometime without having planned it. just mid-sentence shut my mouth. i wouldn’t want to try to explain – even to the person to whom i was speaking at the moment i quit. no cheapening allowed. …..lets face it though – the probability of my quietude???!!! blah blah blahing and all until sleep comes again- raw cheer – “cogito, ergo sum”.

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